Self-Love: Are We Digging Too Deep Into Thy Self?
The beauty of self-love may be turning left. Let's talk.
Self-love is a beautiful attribute, essential to human life - but has the current generation taken it a tad bit too far?
Right, so here’s the deal. I’m a FIRM believer of self-love. I eat it. Breathe it. Preach it. My close ones can tell you that in a heartbeat. It’s like the solution to every problem, “but you just gotta love yourself a bit more”.
Although self-love plays a big part, it’s not an answer you wanna hear day in and day out, even for someone like me who has a great sense of self-love, I would be sick and tired of hearing it too, and I’ve learnt over the years when it’s the best time to mention and when it’s not.
What ‘Self-love’ Means To Me
Self-love is a gift, it is a gift of aaarrtT. True aaarrttT I tell ya.
A ‘gift of art’ which I solely believe, for me personally, comes from a higher power, which is God. Being at peace and not letting your surroundings define you is power. Switching off, zoning out of the matrix (hehe), and tuning into your OWN world where your thoughts are blank is POWER. Something I do quite often because I feel it’s really important to not let this world consume you. Try it sometimes, maybe while you’re cleaning or completing a task, no background noise, just you and God.
What you allow into your space, the boundaries you set, taking charge of your own happiness is power. Turning a negative into a positive is power. Power given to us as one of Gods many blessings. Alhamdulillah (Praise be to God).
Letting my intuition guide me, and listening to my body, whether it’s positive or negative, is me speaking with God and vice versa. After all, our bodies are gifted to us by God and we should treat it with care, and love our bodies inside out.
For me, self-love is my independence. It’s enjoying my own company, knowing my worth and owning it. This doesn’t mean I’m arrogant or picky, it means I’m comfortable and open to meeting new people but recognise when to stay clear of bad energy and I’m happy to do things with or without someone. It’s not letting anyone tell me otherwise or swaying to people’s judgement of me, that’s on them. This doesn’t mean I’m better than anyone else, it means I know who I am and I carry this version of me, unapologetically.
Asking for help is an act of self-love but one which I’ve struggled with in the past. The idea of asking for help seemed suffocating at first, not to the other person but to my soul, because it felt like I was “weak” for not being able to complete something independently, like it’s a badge of honour. However, I see the majority of tasks as a challenge and it’s not that I don’t appreciate the help at the time, I’ve just always known all my life how to independently learn and accomplish things myself but when time is of the essence or mental/physical energy is low, teamwork WHERE YA AT?!
Self-love is also putting my foot down, being bold and assertive, and speaking my mind - all in a world where women are told we can’t be these things. Boohoo.
Whatever experience, good or bad, it teaches you something. It teaches you to reflect on the situation and become self-aware, aware of whether you made a mistake or how to handle a situation better for next time or how to be comfortable with the uncomfortable. Most people seem to confuse self-love for just romantic situations but it’s much more than that. Yes, it forms a big part, as it helps you to decide your life partner which is HUGE (so think and choose wisely kids) but self-love isn’t just romantic, it’s also intertwined with your spiritual, physical, and mental well-being too.
One day I may choose to go to the gym, do a workout, or perform one of my favourite hobbies but the next day or a couple of weeks/months down the line (because life can get real busy) I let go of these things and turn into a big fat Oreo waffle- but that’s ok, as long you don’t exceed the limit. Ordering a take-away because I can’t be bothered to cook but on the other end of the spectrum it’s cooking a healthy, hearty meal AND having an indulgent dessert. I call it balance. OMG, that reminds me and I feel like my friends will know what I’m about to say. Buuut…a perfect example is having carrots and cucumbers as snacks and then about ten desserts to compensate for the ‘healthy’ act. Baa-lance. 👀
But anyway, all that I mentioned above doesn’t mean I still don’t love myself, it’s just a temporary glitch in the matrix but as long as I can pick myself up after, than all is good. Treating yourself on your bad days is key. This could be in many different forms, some of which at first may not seem like ‘treats’ you get in a goody bag but will definitely feel like one :
Taking a warm bath: Either with bubbles, essential oils, Epson salts or on its own. Helps to reduce tension in your muscles and relieve stress
Taking deep breaths: I’ve found that even 3 deep breaths at your desk with your eyes closed is beneficial in regulating your stress levels
Lighting a scented candle: Works for some, others not. Again each to their own.
Getting sunlight: I follow this religiously, a bit difficult in winter months but whatever season it’s very important and one which I used to be scared of in fear of ‘getting darker’ (a story for another day I suppose)
Reading a book, magazine or newspaper: As long as it’s not on an electronic device
LAUGHING: my motto for life teeheeheee
Going out in nature or being near water: Feeling the grass or ground beneath your feet is soul enriching. The sound of water is music to thy ears
Journaling: I have yet to practise this
Meditation/Yoga/Stretching: You can either follow a video or do your own thing. Listen to your body.
Listening to a podcast or your favourite music: Maybe try something different and listen to calming/soothing music, there are many choices on YouTube.
Listening to a religious/spiritual talk or an audio recording of your religions holy book
Sitting in a peaceful environment
Doing your skincare
Feeding your body with nourishing foods
Buying your favourite dessert or fast food: Again, as long as you don’t exceed the limit
Gardening, buying plants/flowers
Talking with your loved ones: Either through phone, video call, in-person
Volunteering or taking part in your favourite activity
Practising gratitude, words of affirmation: Learnt this recently and it’s a game changer!
Mastering Difficult Situations
I realise men don’t get much self-love talk like us women, but listen here men, being in touch with your emotions is not weak, having a breakdown or crying is not weak and neither is buying flowers for yourself! Writing that and reading that last bit feels a tad bit weird but I’m sure men like flowers too (maybe) but point of the matter is, all the self-love tips and self-love talk applies to men too!
Recognising your negative moments/emotions, equates to self-awareness, which is a form of self-love. This is something, which I myself didn’t realise but as I’ve grown throughout the years I’ve learnt how to become more self-aware, either on my own through my experiences and situations I’ve been in or through those around me. You’re doing your soul justice when you realise your flaws and admit to it. Similarly, when you’ve done a good deed, accomplished an achievement or moving closer to a goal, these are all acts of self love. This is why it’s sooo important to have a close circle of friends/loved ones who are able to tell you about yourself, notice anything abnormal, or remind you of your journey, as these pour into self-love too.
Being part of a community or club which you enjoy is heart-warming and lights up your soul. Taking on a challenge, or an activity which you’ve never tried before can be nerve-racking at first but it’s that plunge which is so satisfying once taken.
One example of mine which I’ll share is before the pandemic, I had the opportunity to review different gym boutiques and various classes. I hadn’t entered the gym since my school days so that on its own was a scary thought. The first few sessions I dragged my fellow colleagues with me but ones which followed after I took the plunge to participate on my own and the reviews for these can be found here.
A class I remember so vividly because I felt like I was in a room full of hardcore gym junkies…bodybuilders, toned bodies, completing each part of the course with grit and sweat, I was ready to drop a barbell on my toe and A&E would be seeing my face. But I soldiered through. *violin music plays* 💪
One circuit exercise involved pullups and I looked at my gym partner who was racing through with ease and poor old me was stood clueless thinking how on earth do I reach the bar. However, she noticed, and kindly offered to help me the first time round and I felt a slight tang of embarrassment but at the end of the gruelling session I felt so empowered and proud of myself for tackling a difficult challenge, I was honestly amazed at myself and what we humans can accomplish when we put our minds to it.
Onto The Nitty Gritty
However, there seems to be this misconception that when you’re “too loved up with yourself”, it may come across as selfish, arrogant, or ‘self-obsessed’. I find that over the recent years, as you scroll through Instagram or TikTok, “self-love” has taken a run for its money and this ‘idea’ of self-love has skyrocketed, and almost seems like a marketing scam as it’s blown up literally EVERYWHERE.
Self-love isn’t a trend, it’s not something you’re just born with either, it’s something which you learn to develop over time, and there’s no right or wrong way of learning this, each to their own. I even saw a post many months ago which claimed that self-love was too “harmful” or “toxic”. First all, let me just put it out there, I can’t stand the word ‘toxic’ as I find it’s been manipulated and taken out of context, but that’s a story-time for another day. In my opinion, I believe this post was taken out of context too. Yes, I agree that self-love posts are plastered all over our screens as I’ve already mentioned, to the point I’ve actually questioned myself if self-love is indeed “harmful”. NO OFCOURSE IT’S NOT ZARRIN. Good gosh, what were you thinking.
I’m no saint and I’m no expert, but I know for sure, for human development, self-love is key and involves A LOT of inner work. But I can understand, where in todays society, it may seem ‘harmful’ because everything seems to be about self-love nowadays. It’s great that it’s getting the recognition and making people more aware, but at the same time it’s the constant push down people’s throats which may be turning people away.
Not everything has to be about self-love. Grabbing a green juice or making one because TikTok says it’s “self-love” as it contains all the nutritious benefits to nourish your body, isn’t self-love in its whole essence. Maybe, just maybe, someone loves a green juice as it reminds them of their childhood and was craving it after a snotty cold run on a blissful winters day. Is it a healthy choice? Yes. However, is it ‘self-love’? Well that depends on the individual and the circumstances in which based their decision to buy or make a green smoothie . One person’s idea of self-love and how they love themselves doesn’t have to be yours too. Just saying.
Self-love is a mixture of loving yourself as well as loving others and carrying the ‘self-love’ acts you do for yourself and transferring that energy onto those you love. Immersing yourself in an abundance of love is not a crime and it would be wrong to tell people not to because HELL YEAA I love myself LOADS! We need to remember there are other avenues of self-love which pour into your soul as well but to be able to not seek the validation of others is what is KEY.
And even when someone does master the art of self-love, doubt may kick in from time-to-time to question: how much do you really love yourself. But I do feel like self-love ties in with your life experiences and these experiences not only shape who you are as a person but also determine the level of love you have for yourself.
How you combat your bad days and celebrate your good varies from one to the other, but just know through the good and bad, self-love is worth learning and cherishing. My self-love journey is still ongoing and I’m loving every bit of it! 😊